Wowww I can’t wrap my head around the fact that I’ve been home for over 4 months now. Time is such a weird thing. It flies and yet stands still all at once. It feels like just yesterday I spent my days in the hot Dominican sun, running around in our communities to lend a hand where I was needed. And yet, I’ve adapted so quickly to being back in the states that there are days it almost feels as though the 9 months I spent in the Dominican were all a blur of a dream that was all simply too good to be true.

I would be lying if I said that adapting back the US culture has been a breeze for me. Upon arrival, I enjoyed precisely one full day of relaxing and catching up with family at home before jumping into my new job as a barista at a coffee shop in my hometown. I don’t regret the decision to jump right into a job. I knew that I would immediately struggle being home if I was not given a task or a job to focus on. Although… I was abruptly re-awakened to the rushed “hustle” culture that we Americans have created. 🙂 At the cafe, it’s all about getting that breakfast order out as fast as we can and whipping out lattes as fast as possible in order to get through the 20 people who stand before me impatiently waiting for their morning caffeine fix. While I am learning to enjoy the current season I am in, I am also daily reminded of how much I miss the sloooow pace of life that comes along with Dominicans and the relational emphasis they base their daily lives around.

I deeply appreciate the moments when the cafe has a quieter moment and I’m able to connect with the person who is in front of me. I am reminded that relational ministry is truly how the Lord has handcrafted my heart and how my soul resists the fast-paced transactional work that I am currently doing.

But even then. I have peace. It is nothing but a season. A season that He has called me to in order to serve purpose for the season to come. And on the days, I wrestle with the feelings of “this just isn’t it”, I have to remind myself that because I know God is walking this season with me, I can push forward, give this work my all and look for opportunities where He is moving amidst the daily hustle of this season.

I get asked quite frequently, “are there people in the DR that you miss?”. And the question always seems quite silly to me. Yes, of course there are people I miss. How do you do life with anyone for an extended period of time and not be saddened when seasons pull you in opposite directions? This is a reality that comes along with the nomadic lifestyle the Lord has had me walk for the past few years. I have become quite accustomed to sharing life with people only to have to say gut-wrenching goodbyes and to leave pieces of my heart behind. In fact, I do not often allow myself to miss people. The emotion is an overwhelming emotion that leaves me crippled if I sit in it for too long. There are few moments that I allow myself to look back at pictures of those sweet, dark faces that I miss.

Sometimes I allow my mind to wander… “Did she get fed today? Has he gotten a hug or has anyone told him they loved him today?” But the unknown is too much for me to wrestle with.

And so, I use that to motivate me towards my return.

This is a sweet season. A season of closeness with my family. A season I cannot take back. At the end of the day, I can always return to my family, laugh over stories and receive a hug when I’ve had a bad day. And I know I’ll ache for that when I’m back in the DR.

My life has changed drastically in the last few years. There have been so many hard days yet so many good ones. There are days when I think “wow I wouldn’t trade this for the world” and days when I’m anxious for this season to pass. There have been seasons of surviving and seasons of thriving.

And thus continues a season of holding many emotions. Of hope and excitement looking towards the future. Of mourning seasons long gone and clinging to memories of past.

Absorbing the everyday moments before they flee too fast.

Preparing for the future.

Frustration that I’m not yet where I want to be.

Peace that I’m right where I’m supposed to be.