Back in May, when I applied for the internship, I remember telling my family “it’s just for 9 months and then I’ll be back home and life will return to normal for me.” It was my idea of rationalizing with my parents that I won’t be spending all of my young, single years galivanting all over the place, committing to a vast variety of different short-term endeavors but not ever settling on anything long-term.

I was very naive in my rationalization. I knew that choosing to come here cost a great price and held great sacrifice. I was willing to do it short-term but there wasn’t any question in my mind about staying longer than the 9 months I had committed to. It was simply to gain cross-cultural leadership experience, to learn and work in the community and to take that next step into what God has for me. But certainly… I would not be called to this way of living overseas long-term.

Commitment has always been a funny thing for me. I detest the idea of being “stuck” in one place for too long. I despise being sedentary and often fear committing to something, then later regretting the decision. I am a free spirit. Happiest when I’m flying by the seat of my pants. Everywhere is where I want to be, all at once. Taking advantage of every possible opportunity. Fearing the thought of missing out on something if I happened to choose the wrong thing. (Enneagram 7 anyone?!)

Now, after being here for just 6 months, I have come to a couple of realizations.

Short-term missions is not for me.

I was foolish in thinking that after 9 months, I could just walk away from all of this and not turn back. I was naive to the way that the Holy Spirit would invade my heart, calling me to step out even deeper into this mission field.

These people have woven their way into my heart slowly but surely. I came ready to love wholeheartedly but I didn’t come ready for these relationships to completely alter the direction of my future.

These relationships have taken time and work. I have learned the benefits to investment. Some of these people within the community who once looked at me with skeptical eyes, now welcome me into their homes, wave me down in the streets to talk to me and trust me with their kids. That took time. It took patience. It took investing my heart.

When I look into those deep brown eyes of the children, I see potential and glimmers of hope. When I walk through the communities, I am handed opportunities to be the hands and feet of Jesus. When I work with the short-term missions’ teams that come, I have opportunities to bridge the gap between the mission field and Americans. When I work with other staff, my heart skips a beat at the thought of coming alongside to support and help them in their work. I wasn’t prepared for any of that.

The benefits of serving in one place long-term exponentially weigh out my fears of committing.

I have quickly obtained an appreciation for long-term ministry. I have known for a long time that ministry was what I want to do long-term. But I loved the idea of bouncing around to ministries and mission fields in order to experience it all. Commiting to 9 months once felt long term. Now I realize, it’s a blink of time.

My view has now drastically changed.

For once, in my life. I am completely at peace about committing. To this lifestyle, to the sacrifices, to the hardships, to the country and to the people. It’s not even a question in my head anymore. It’s just… the obvious next step. It’s so natural. So fulfilling.

“Who am I?” Is a thought that often comes to my mind when I think back to the girl who arrived in this country.

A girl who has allowed the Holy Spirit to invade and consume her heart and life. A girl who is in a constant state of learning how to surrender her future and plans over and over again. A girl who has been stripped of everything she once knew and was forced to relearn much. A girl who messes up daily, fails her Heavenly Father and doesn’t deserve these opportunities. A girl whose broken heart has been redeemed and restored back to wholeness. A girl who’s been chosen to live out truth and the message of hope.

I feel the gears switching. I have stopped looking for the next greatest thing. I am living the greatest thing. Proclaiming His glory on His beautiful earth here on this beautiful island. My story and journey is proof of a living, loving God. This is the greatest thing.

May I be a vessel of your redemption and restoration plan, Father. This life is all for you.